I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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