you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
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The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
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there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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