Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
