When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
