I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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