Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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