He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
