one word: firstdatebathroomanal
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
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