just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
