I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
