You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
