I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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