I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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