I wish I could punch you in the face.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The uberlube is also flammable
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
