dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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