Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I think I sprained my soul last night
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
