I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
