I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize