So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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