I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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