My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
