I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
