It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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