no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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