i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
you made out with another girl for some wings
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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