Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
