after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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