Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
