no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
