i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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