how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
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