dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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