He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
