the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
