Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
