..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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