Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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