if only i could text you this smell
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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