So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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