well I can't set my house on fire every night
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
