girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
