How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
