Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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