my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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