I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize