he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
