You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
did i walk over a car last night?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
