This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
