Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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