It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
