my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Is Oprah even human
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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