The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
whose ass print is on the piano?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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