Having a random hookup so left but love u
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
