big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
