He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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