2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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