You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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