Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
