2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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