I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
