And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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