Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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