Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
