Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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