Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
