Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
