i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize