I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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