I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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