The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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