It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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