But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
