VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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