its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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