i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
