I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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