After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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