how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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