Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
