I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
